While nowadays, B&B owners record videos to introduce themselves to fellow singles in the Netherlands in the hope of finding ’the one’, it used to be very different. Back then, you simply placed an ad in the newspaper, hoping Cupid would land his arrow. Karin Wienholts examines trends in partner preferences and self-descriptions in marriage and courting or dating ads from Dutch newspapers between 1845 and 1995.
Karin Wienholts has had a wedding ring on her ring finger for almost 40 years: ’No, I didn’t meet him through a newspaper ad, but at our secondary school disco. In our student days, we had a long-distance relationship and only saw each other on weekends. After that, we properly started living together in Arnhem and only then did we get married. We had our first child just before I turned 30.’
As Wienholts delves into more than 10,000 marriage and courting or dating ads published between 1845 and 1995 for her PhD research, she has noticed all too well: the ads were not always about love and attraction. ’I analyse the partner preferences and self-descriptions of the people who submitted the ads while also looking for a connection to the historical developments in society surrounding people looking for marriage. To give some examples: pillarisation (religious compartmentalisation in the Netherlands), the First and Second World Wars, women’s emancipation and the sexual revolution may partly explain the partner preferences and self-descriptions of the time and also the purpose of the ads. In the 1950s, for example, the woman’s world was at home and the man was the breadwinner in a highly compartmentalised society. Can we also see that reflected in the ads?’
Practical adverts
In the 19th century, it was mainly men who published marriage or courting ads in the local papers. An example is this advert, published on 25 December 1864 in the Nieuw Rotterdamsche Courant: ’Attention! A person of decent origin, 29 years old, of the Protestant religion and in possession of some money, is looking for a woman who can bring 8 to 10 thousand to marry him.’
Wienholts: ’It is very practical in nature. For a very long time, preferences focused mainly on the financial position, social status and religion of potential spouses. People did not just fall in love; a relationship had to be "suitable". Family members, the Church and the neighbourhood looked on. It wasn’t for no reason that my grandmother always said: "When two faiths share a pillow, the devil sleeps between them." In other words, when two people of different faiths get married, it rarely goes well.’
Sexual revolution
The ad shown above demonstrates that marriage was always the goal. But a major turning point can be identified 130 years later: in the 1960s and 1970s. We then found ourselves in the midst of a sexual revolution. Talking about sex or contraception was no longer a taboo. The tables had clearly turned in how we thought about sexuality and relationships. Cohabitation and long-distance relationships started to emerge.
By that point, women had started to publish a large number of marriage and dating ads in Dutch newspapers. Women were emancipated: the 1965 Social Assistance Act was passed, women could postpone having children by using contraception and they increasingly started taking the opportunity to continue studying. In the ads from this point in time, we can see a shift in partner preferences from the necessary to the romantic, with more attention being paid to the person’s character, hobbies and, for example, the same level of thinking. Yet the focus on social status never completely disappeared. Even today, there are dating apps that only highly educated people can sign up for. A preference for the same level of thinking or for higher educated people indirectly refers to a certain social class.
From a wider audience to no audience
Marriage and courting or dating ads appeared in many Dutch newspapers, but they were scattered throughout the paper for a long time before being bundled into their own section. First, among all kinds of commercial ads, then sometimes under the heading ’Miscellaneous’, which later became the section for marriage and courting or dating ads. The ads were always short and concisely written. After all, if you were looking for ’the one’ and wanted to reach your potential love interest or partner via the paper, you paid by the word, the character or sometimes the line. ’As ad prices dropped and women became emancipated, the number of ads increased significantly in the second half of the 20th century. Even people from the lower social classes could now place an ad.’
’Around that period, the stigma was also shattered. Whereas men who placed marriage ads in 1845 were often seen as "losers" on the marriage market, 130 years later, it became much more normal to find your future partner this way. Then, people began to justify much less why they placed an ad. For instance, men had often mentioned that they had never really got in touch with women due to their busy work lives and were therefore looking for a woman through this route.’
By 1995, the peak of marriage and dating ads in the newspaper was over. ’At that moment, online dating took over the marriage and dating ad market.’
