The week after Valentine’s Day, this year being the 16-22 February, celebrates Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week. In a world seemingly obsessed with ideas of love (as seen most literally from the fact that I wrote an article on Valentine’s Day and ideas of modern love that was published last week ), this week is a space for those who identify as aromantic to share their experiences too.
Aromanticism (which might be confused by some with asexuality) means displaying little, fluctuating, or no romantic attraction (whereas asexuality relates to people who experience little-to-no sexual attraction). These sexual identities are not mutually exclusive, and it is important to validate these experiences too. Many misconceptions surrounding aromanticism can emerge, from being unable to form relationships to being lonely.
Romantic relationships, on the other hand, are characterised by feelings of love and attraction for another person, with feelings of infatuation, intimacy, and commitment that result in a bonded relationship. Aromanticism, in contrast, identifies with disconnecting from normative societal expectations. Aromanticism is often sidelined in TV shows that are typically about love. Alice Oseman’s popular book and TV series Heartstopper for example, which navigates young queer identities, is broaching this, however slowly, a little bit more every season with the character of Isaac, who is learning about his aromantic feelings.
I first became familiar with asexuality and aromanticism as terms to identify sexuality with when I came to UCL and started to meet people across campus who identify as such.
In conversation with my friend Anna, who studies a part-time Masters in Archives and Records Management at UCL, she explains her aromantic identity to me as a thing that she has never internally fought.
"You just have to wait until the right person comes along," is a cliché that really irritated her growing up, as for her it suggests that another person is supposed to complete you or fit right into your life in the way you need them to, and for her that idea of love just does not seem right.
"At school I kept on being asked if I had a crush on anyone, but I never did. I started to think it was weird until I realised, I identifies as aromantic. Knowing this and being able to work from that place was a really big step for me in forging my identity today."
For her, emotional contact and interaction comes from friends, but even then, she tells me, she doesn’t feel the need to constantly see them, as she quite likes spending time with herself.
"I think there’s a certain misconception that if you spend time alone or do things for yourself, it’s seen as a negative thing, when actually the opposite is true. I feel most comfortable and connected to myself when I take the time to be with myself."
How can you support or learn more about aromantic people? Anna advises me that listening to them, validating them and not pushing them into romantic situations is a good way of doing it. If you’re interested in learning more about their identity, ask questions, but be mindful of assumptions or dismissive comments. Assumptions are normal to make but try to challenge them and learn from them. After all: aromantic people know how to explain their identity best.
"At the end of the day, being aro is the most natural thing in the world to me, so I wouldn’t want to try and be anything I am not,"Anna says.
As we finish our conversation, Anna recommends these resources for those interested in educating themselves further on aromanticism:
Aromantic submission-based articles: AUREA - My Aromanticism (Part One)
Arocalypse is an online forum for those that identify as aromantic: Forums - Arocalypse
Book recommendations: Aromantic Books Recommendations - Claudie Arseneault - Author By celebrating and raising awareness of aromantic spectrum experiences and identities, we can all’help to make the UCL student community, and the global community, a more accepting place.
About the author: UCL Student Storyteller Zoe Dahse says, "I am a final-year History with Spanish student. I am an aspiring journalist and have been involved with UCL’s Pi Media throughout my time as an undergraduate. Currently, I am President of the society and really enjoying leading my talented team across Pi Online, Mag and TV. I love reading and telling stories, and hope to improve my storytelling skills in relation to UCL life and to promote the development of the Storytellers’ Scheme further."
You can read some of Zoe’s previous stories for UCL Student Storytellers here , here and here.
